Thursday, January 29, 2009

Did You Know...

...Fan Target got a job! Whoo-Hoo! (And we are pretty sure she got it based on technical merit, and not that she's pretty hot.)

...Miss O's behavior is on the up-and-up! It must have been a phase, or she realized what a beating it was to act like such a toot and have everyone upset with her and no toys to play with. I did get some good insight from her teacher, too, so that has helped us put a few things in perspective. Her 7th birthday is in T-4 days! Freakin' Out!

...I discovered that our kids are cute. Cute enough to make the photographer's website opening page slide show, which is very flattering. Everyone needs 15 minutes of fame.

...I am thinking about getting some serious bangs tomorrow if I can fit in a trip to the salon. I need a new do, but after the Mushroom Disaster of '08, I am very, very cautious...So we'll see...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"Hello, Lover"

As we all know: I. Love. To. Clean. I hate it. But I love it. I could be bleeding out my eyeballs, but if there are crumbs lurking under the toaster, or toothpaste- spit spots on the mirror, you know I am going to pull out one of my many favorite cleaning products and clean them real quick, and then seek medical attention. (God forbid the paramedics show up and find a mess!)

So, I had a moment the other day. A total Sex-in-The-City-Carrie-Bradshaw-Manolo-Blahnik-"Hello, Lover"- moment. I found this new product. And, yes, it may have been on the market for awhile, but I am Old School and usually just go for what I know, and never noticed it before. We have two stories in the house we are currently leasing, and I am sick of schleping my cleaning stuff all over the place, so I have been stocking both bathrooms, the laundry room and the kitchen with all of their own "stuff." One issue I've been having upstairs is the old peanut butter, but no jelly. Kool-Aid, but no sugar. Windex, but no paper towels.... Well, whoahoho! NotANYMORE!!!!!

Remember that day a few weeks ago when I DID NOT spend hours wandering around Kroger's by myself, just 'cause I could? Well, on that particular day I did not happen to spend waaaaay too much time checking out the cleaning products. I was actually searching for Lysol spray (this was right after the Stomach Bug of '08) and couldn't find any, but by the grace of God, I found this!
These little guys are genius! Genius, I tell you!!! Why didn't I think of this???? I insist you all go out and buy these as soon as physically possible! And in honor of my new favorite find, I thought I'd share my...
Top 5 Must Have Cleaning Favs!
5.) Microfiber Mop. Its okay if you get a ghetto one, like me, as long as you get one.
4.) Swiffer SweeperVac. Changed my life when we had wood floors. XOXOXO
3.) ReNuzit Super Odor Neutralizer Spray- After The Rain Scent. OMG. The Greatest. Doesn't really smell like anything, but gets rid of the smell of ANYTHING!!!
2.) Arm and Hammer Detergent With Fabric Softner- the one with the pink lid. Costs nothing. Smells like a million. (Especially when paired with Gain dryer sheets.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)
1.) Soft Scrub With Bleach. I think I own 5 bottles of every kind. Seriously.

This is terrible...has it really come to this? A cleaning product post??? What can I say? I love what I love...

Wordless Wednesday

Friday, January 23, 2009

Fan Target

So. One of my sisters is having a "time."

A time when things are up in the air and out of her control. A time when if it were me, I'd turn my face to the sky and shout, "Are you kidding me!?!?!? Seriously?!!??!"

We've all been there. And we've all survived. But I thought maybe she needed a little pick-me-up. So, without further ado, I have devoted this post to all things Margaret, and why everyone would want one of their own...

If you had a Margaret, and happened to be in London and crying because you missed dinner because you were so jet-lagged and JUST WANT SOMETHING COLD TO DRINK, she would sneak downstairs with a lined trash can, into the kitchen of your hotel, past the wait staff and steal ice for you and carry it back upstairs, running into the boy she was crushing on in the elevator while holding said trashcan and wouldn't think two ways about how loony she looked, because she's just that great of a sister.

And while you were still in Europe, if you had a Margaret, she would agree to pretend to hang over a mountain side in the Swiss Alps, to entertain your on-going Mentos joke. That picture would make you laugh for years to come.

If you had a Margaret, you would be so proud of her for graduating from college Summa Cum Laude having been on the Dean's List all four years. You would wonder how she could "Oh,-those-old-things?" all of the incredible art she brought back from school. You might steal one of your favorites.

If you had a Margaret, you would have to pull the phone away from your ear and look at it, when she calls to tell you that she's upset because she can't seem to fit into a size SMALL dress from Forever 21! You would then quietly curse the Gods for giving you the jip when it came to the Size-0-With-Big-Boobs-Genes, but love her to pieces anyway. (You would also wonder if that dress is supposed to fit this poor girl from the Forever 21 website, whose head is so heavy on her weak, negative 0 size body can barely hold it up. Don't worry starving girl, Marge has a dress you can borrow when your over that owl shirt.)

If you had a Margaret, she would be fabulous enough to catch the eye of an equally fabulous guy, who would be so fabulous that he would buy you both tickets to see So You Think You Can Dance Live! for Margaret's birthday! You would both geek out like a bunch of 13 year olds and almost enjoy the time you had laughing in the parking lot waiting to leave more than you did at the show.

If you had an Aunt Margaret, you would call her "Fan Target" and she wouldn't care. She would bring over boxes of crazy stuff that you would go nuts over like 100s of magnetic frogs, silly plastic sunglasses that look like crabs and flying pigs watering cans. She would also assume you were such a little genius/ video game- savant, that she would agree to play Mario Kart with you and then set it up for two players, as though you were going to be racing her.

If you had a Fan Target, she would snuggle your cute, chubby self and whisper to you, "I think you are the cutest of them all! " as though it were a little secret between the two of you. She would also hold you at every chance she got. And take silly pictures pretending you are hers.

If you had a Fan Target, she would help you with your ocean diorama and make it rock by figuring out how to hang the Littlest Pet Shop fish from the top, 'cause she's just that good.

You would be inspired by her greatness and would decide that you want to be an artist for your elementary's Career Day, and ask "Mommy, what would Target wear?" and then be so excited when you end of sort of looking like a mini-adorable version of Daria.

If you had a Margaret, she would make you feel SO much better about spending countless hours online looking at things that a) you have no business buying and b) you have no business buying. She would be the one to introduce to to etsy and craigslist. She would even support your habit, by emailing you links to those adorable, non-needed things.

If you had a Margaret, you would want her to know how awesome she is. You would want her to keep her head up and know that it does get better. It does. If you had a Margaret, you would want her to know that we are all here for her, saying little prayers and making little offering so that things will fall into place and she can sit down and let out a nice long sigh of relief.

If you had a Margaret, you would want her to never get sick, to find a great job, to get rid of all of those little pests, to have her ticket dismissed, her apartment instantly cleaned and make her couch comfortable to sit on.

So, ...if you did indeed have a Margaret, what wise piece of advice would you give her?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

P is for...

I feel like I am all of these things and none at the same time.
No, that's not even true....

Maybe because its a new year, or maybe because I'm sick and just want to crawl back in bed, or because things have happened in the last week that were wake-up calls or I'm about to be 30(!), but I am completely worn out and feel like I am off track from what I thought I would be like at this point in my life. It's made me do a little soul-searching and its brought me back to a hard time I had a few years ago.

After Luke was born I developed pretty serious post-partum depression. The scary kind. But it was such a bizarre blessing because it brought me a very special doctor who turned a mirror on myself and changed my life in so many ways. She made me realize that again, I wasn't quite sure where I stood on so many things, and that trying to be so many different things to so many different people was simply wearing. me. out. I wasn't spending my time and energy on the things that truly did matter to me for fear of hurting someone, leaving someone out or letting someone down. I wasn't living my life for me. I had lost my principles along the way and it was haunting me. Trying to keep up with these non-truths finally got the best of me and I lost it. My body and mind said, "Enough," and shut down.

She shattered so many of the lies that I had been telling myself for years: That I had to be, act and look a certain way to be liked. That I should keep my opinions to myself because I might hurt someone even if it meant I would be hurting myself in the end. That I had to keep a perfect house and perfect kids, and never sit down to take a break because I stayed home. I had serious SAHG (Stay At Home Guilt.) I feel like being here for my kids when they are so little was what was best for them. But it put such a huge strain on our finances and Jason, that I felt awful about it pretty much everyday. He never said anything, but I convinced myself that he hated that I stayed home- so I would get upset and try to compensate by being Super Mom, which is an impossible feat. So I'd feel like a failure. And beat myself up and be miserable. So to Jason I was stying home like I wanted to, but was hating it. Which pissed him off. A lot. I believe the word "Brat" was thrown out more than once. So then I would get upset and start again, trying to be Super Mom.... It was such a vicious cycle and it was making me a wreck and ruining my marriage. So one day she just had me ask him what were his expectations for me staying at home. And you know what he said? "I just want you and our kids to be happy and healthy. Whatever you can do within your power to make that happen is all I ask." That's all. He didn't care that O had a hair bow to match every outfit. That the throw pillows on our bed were perfectly spaced apart. That every TV was was wiped free of any little finger prints. I had been so busy doing all the small stuff, that I had lost sight of the big things: Making time to play with my kids, spending some quiet evenings with my husband, taking an hour for myself to watch the first season of Greys on DVD....

She worked with me for over a year to work out each piece of my life's puzzle. We turned pieces around, we tried them in different spots, she pointed out at times that I was trying to force pieces to go where they just didn't fit and those had to tossed back in the pile. We'd try those again later in the process, once more of the puzzle was complete and we could look at it more clearly. It was hard, it was eye-opening and it was lots and lots of tears. But it was also one of the best times of my life. I looked forward to every Wednesday at 10 am, to see what I would uncover in the next 55 minutes. There is nothing more liberating than being able to say what you really feel. No holds barred. She never laughed, she never judged- she just held my hand and handed me tissues. And she changed my life.

I learned to speak up. And to be a better listener. I learned to not sweat the small stuff (although I think almost everything is a big thing, so I'm still working on that one...). I learned to respect my husband and his feelings: that they are just as real to him as mine are to me. I learned that I didn't really owe anyone anything: It was up to me to make the choices of what I felt I should do. I learned to say "no" and "that's enough." I learned to stand tall and defend the choices I make. That if I need help, I should ask for it. That I need to be a better example to my daughter, to ensure that she understands inner beauty is more important than outer appearances. I learned that if I keep my hands full of unimportant things that there isn't any way to open them to reach for better things. I said good-bye to some people and hello to others. I learned that just being there is almost more important than saying the right thing. I came to peace with the idea that I am in the place where I should be. I shouldn't have to feel like it needs to be justified or defended. I am here, doing what I am doing for a reason: because of the choices I made. I am responsible for me, I put myself here.

And I am having the hardest time accepting that lately. I am having some serious "Grass Is Always Greener" and "What if..." moments, and that keeps me from appreciating what I have. I know I am always looking ahead for the next big event, big "thing," and that has made me miss out on enjoying the place I am in now. I know I do it and its hard to stop. I know I need to sit and take some time to recall the conversations I had with her. To take my own refresher course: Anne's Life 101. After such a long, hard year last year, I know I am trying to already force this year to be the Best EVER. We are 3 weeks in and I am already pooped.

But, phew. Having just read that sentence I can stop myself. I can appreciate that this is a new day and just let it unfold. I can't force anything. I am making a late New Years Resolution to just be in the moment. To breath it in, and hold that breath so I will remember the little details. I want to enjoy where I am and what that means. I put myself here. Now I just really need to sit back and enjoy this time and space.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Cracked Up

I haven't written about our baby in awhile, so....

Morgan Jane is the funniest baby we have ever had. Olivia was such a sweet little beauty. Luke was the strong silent type (-He kinda didn't like being a baby at first) and then here comes Miss Bright 'N' Shiny! She is such a joy- as soon as we walk in the room, or go to get her out of her crib, she does that fabulous arms-swinging-feet-froggy-kicking-head-shaking-OMG-I-am-soooooooooooo-happy-to-see-you thing and cracks up. She laughs all. the. time. And it is the greatest, dorkiest, Beavis and Butthead-iest laugh that I just can't get enough of.

So today I was working in the kitchen, and she was rolling around in the living room and she starts laughing and doesn't stop. She's quiet for a second and them cracks up. She does this for like, 5 minutes. I have been peeking on her over the counter, but just thought she was hanging out, rolling around- which is her new "big thing". Then she is just loosing it with giggles, so I grab the camera and come to see what is really going on... Turns out, she has been pulling her sock off with her two little teeth and when she lets go and it pops out of her mouth, she thinks its hilarious. I love that she is so different from her brother and sister. That she has already found a way to keep herself occupied. That she is such a little beam of sunshine. Here's to hoping she stays that way for awhile...

(I know she is mine, and I probably think this is a lot cuter than anyone else will, but maybe at least it will make ya smile...)

(And I know, I know: An orange top doesn't go with turquoise pants nor does it go with lime green and white striped socks. She has reflux, and by the end of the day I have changed her clothes about 5 times, so you get whatcha get! )

Not Moi!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. Here goes....

I did not take Luke to school on Wednesday with a new big bruise on his forehead. I did not try to explain to the greeter that he had been sleep-walking and ran into the door frame. She did not totally give me the "Yea, right"-face and was not in talking to the director as I was leaving. I did not putt around Hobby Lobby for a few hours just in case C.P.S. would be at my door when I got back home.

When Jas tried to put Luke's Gap tennis shoes on him without socks, and got mad that they weren't going on easily, I did not tell him that since wearing tennis shoes without socks is kinda white-trash that Gap has rigged their shoes so they have to be worn with socks. He did not totally believe me,("Really?!?") for about 10 seconds.

I did not douse my daughter in Bath and Body Works spray right before she left to go to a birthday party because I lost track of time and she had been playing in the backyard 10 minutes before she had to walk out the door and smelled like "outside". I would never send my child out into the world in less than perfect condition.

I did not lay in bed yesterday, sick as a dog, and instead of using my "Jas-Is-Home-Time" wisely and slept, I did not watch 7 episodes of TiVoed Days Of Our Lives. ( I did not get so excited at the prospect of Stephanie and Phillip actually staying together!)

And the night before, I did not wake up in the middle of the night and forcefully kick what I thought was Romo, the dog, from under the covers with all my might because he was totally laying on my feet and I couldn't move. I did not all of a sudden hear an "Ow!" and a thud. It was absolutely, positively NOT my 2-year-old who had snuck upstairs and curled up at the foot of our bed landing on the floor.

I was not being too silly right before bed time (who would rev their kids up before bedtime?), and decided to use the number of books we were reading for a little counting lesson. I did not get a little carried away and drop a hard-covered book on Luke's face. I did not bust his precious little lip right open. It did not bleed like all get-out and now makes him look like we really do beat him. (I did not get secretly mad because he curled up in a ball when it happened and bled all over this sheets that I had just washed and put on his bed! Any good mother would care about their child's injury and not the laundry it created!!)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

100th DAY!

Since they made a big stinkin' deal about this in Kindergarten- I thought I could jump on the band wagon and celebrate my 100th post. Just like they make you do in school, I have collected 100 things- things that I love, things that I hate, things that I thought I could share. So enjoy! And thank you for reading all 100 of these posts, as I know some of you have.

1. Jas, the love of my life
2. Black Mary Kay mascara
3. Chapstick
4. Coffee (especailly Vente Non-Fat Caramel Machiattos)
5. Big sunglasses
6. Good music
7. Decoupage
8. My cell phone
9. Mulled Cidar candles from Wal-Mart (Best smell ever! Seriously.)
10. Clean & Clear Moisturizer
11. Messes
12. Barack Obama
13. Whining
14. Lou Gherig's Disease
15. Rude people
16. Emergency Room bills
17. Dog paws in my back at night
18. Bad coffee
19. Seinfeld (Ugh.)
20. Meredith Viera on the Today Show
21. Grey's Anatomy, therefore....
22. Private Practice (even though it replaced Dirty Sexy Money)
23. Days Of Our Lives
24. Nancy Grace
25. Project Runway
26. So You Think You Can Dance
27. House
28. Suite Life Of Zach and Cody
29. Worst Week
30. The Soup
31. Red wine
32. Our dog, Romo
33. House Hunters on HGTV
34. Sushi
35. Cooking
36. Being A Grown Up
37. Sitting In The Carpool Line
38. Talk Radio
39. The color brown
40. Staying in rather than going out
41. The $1 sale at Once Upon A Child (R.I.P.)
42. Planning my kid's birthday parties
43. The new season of Project Runway
44. When the weather warms up enough to where you can wear flipflops
45.When the weather cools off enough to where you need a weather
46. Halloween! Costumes!
47. Carnation's Peppermint Mocha creamer showing up in the grocery store
48. My anniversary and looking back on how far we've come!
49. The first day of school: Fresh haircuts and new tennis shoes
50. Swimming!
51. "Gringo Honeymoon" by Robert Earl Keen (Hook 'Em Horns)
52. "Back To The Earth" by Rusted Root (Reminds me of being on the beach in Italy with Margaret)
53. "Sunday Morning" by maroon 5 (Makes me want to slow dance with Jas)
54. "Cup Of Joe" by Daniel Ho (Its a love song. With coffee metaphors. Fabulous!)
55. "See The World" by Gomez (Reminds me of the Fall)
56. "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John (Fun to clean the house to)
57. "Anne Anne" by The Poem Adept (Its spelled like mine!!!)
58. "Just A Ride" by Jem (Story of my life- ha!)
59. "Last Request" by Paolo Nutini ('Cause I've known the feeling)
60. "P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson (Because he used to rock...)
61. A picked-up house
62. Washing my face EVERY NIGHT no matter what!
63. Kissing Jas before he leaves to go anywhere
64. Putting things just where they go on the counter
65. Not leaving the dryer on when we leave the house
66. My kids not wearing shirts with licensed charaters on them
67. Never putting dryer sheets in with the towels
68. Miss O's hair-ties always covered by a bow!
69. Hanging toilet paper or paper towels on the roll the right way.
70. Holding the remote!
71. My families- the one I was born into and the one I married into
72. My girlfriends, old and new
73. That Jas puts up with my nonsense
74. My beautiful, healthy children
75. Living in America
76. The Clorox company
77. Second chances
78. My new superfast computer
79. TiVo
80. Fine Point Sharpie Markers
81. I have an irrational fear of dolls coming to life
82. I eloped in Sedona, Arizona, and we still keep in touch with our witnesses (who were complete strangers)
83. I have to eat breakfast assoonas I get up
84. I drive my child to school almost every morning barefoot and in my jammies
85. I really only buy People magazine for the crossword puzzles
86. I used to be able to do the jump splits
87. I don't really like to watch movies more than once
88. I co-chaired a huge Bachelor Auction that raised over $27,000 for Susan G. Komen
89. I have really nice handwriting, and can write in all kids of "fonts"
90. I rock at Mario Kart
91. Mentos! The Freshmaker- Italy, 2000
92. My brother the doctor and Me, Daphne- Halloween 2000 93. " We were standing on a mountain top..." -Sedona 2001 94. Getting to see Miss O for the first time- February 2002
95. I think this was the last time we went out- j/k! Las Vegas- October 2004
96. We love Daddy! -Christmas 2004
97. Me and My Girl- February 2005
98.Who knew our nurse was such a good photographer? -June 2006
99. Three generations: Me, baby Bubs and my grandfather. So cute.- August 2006 100. Our little crew- November 2008


Not Me Monday

I did not stay up waaaaay too late the other night searching Craigslist for antique shutters and doors. I then did not sneak into the bathroom without the lights on so as not to wake up Jas. I did not reach into the medicine cabinet and accidentally start to wash my face with this:

Instead of this:

I did not take full advantage of a complete stressed-out-melt-down I had the other night. While Jas was rubbing my back so sweetly and telling me everything will be okay, and 'what would make me feel better?', I did not sob, "New curtains for the living rooooooooooommmmm..."

I did not sit on the computer and play the Webkinz "Smoothie Moves" games for about 2 hours the other day after I saw Miss O play it. And even if I did, it was to earn points so her elephant can go on a trip and buy a new bed, alright?!

I did not break one of my SERIOUS, NOT EVER ALLOWED rules in our house and let Luke jump on his bed (while naked, mind you) after I had bathed him and Morgan because she thought it was the funniest things she had EVER seen and I couldn't get enough of her precious little baby cackle. I am not waiting for him to do it again on his own and wind up in the ER. Again.

I did not actually have to call the phone company and ask the woman what our phone number was. She did not ask me if I was serious, since it has been our phone number for almost 5 months now.

I did not have one too many "sips" of wine the other night while making THE BEST spaghetti sauce ever (Heather and Lysh would not be so proud of my from-(kinda)- scratch creation). I did not giggle all through dinner. My children did not think this was great fun.

I did not spend 2 hours grocery shopping the other night. I did not purposely stroll up and down every aisle at a turtle's pace, just because I was actually by myself. I ADORE spending every second with my precious family and HATE grocery shopping, so this is something I simply would not do!

I did not reluctantly agree to share one of my coveted Slim-Fast chocolate chip granola bars with Luke. After he had 3 bites of his and set it on the end table, I did not switch it with my almost finished one. What mother would do that? Its not like they are that good!

Friday, January 9, 2009

This Is Awful

My heart is breaking. As I sit and write this with tears streaming down my face, I can hear my 6 year old in her room sobbing. Why? Because I yelled at her. Because I had to. And nothing breaks my heart more than getting on to her, because its so very foreign to me, it makes me feel awful and not right and ugly.

She was Hero Of The Week at school today. Had a great big assembly and we all came- it was great. I was so proud to see her up on the state. Jas took her out bowling when he got home for a treat. And then she came home and it starts: the griping, picking fights with Luke, yelling at the dog, doing a half-ass job of something I've asked her to do, complaining that she thought Luke's pizza was bigger than hers, pitching a fit over taking a bath on a weekend night, on and on and on... And by the end of tonight I was done. I walked by her room and saw that the place was a wreck- but the biggest thing (and you may think I am insane for being a stickler about this) was three of her dresser drawers were wide open. I CANNOT stand this- it think it looks lazy and irresponsible and it just so happens to the the one thing she lost her Pet Shops for this week, that she JUST got back this afternoon. So, lesson learned? No. I'm pissed. So I find her in the kitchen, playing on the computer and I tell her to get off right now. Does she? No. "Hold on, I want to finish...." and that was it for me. I lost it. I said alot of things that needed to be said, as hard as it was to say them. I sent her to her room, sat down and started crying.

We have been having some seriously rough patches lately, and I feel like everytime something happens I just sort of stand there, stunned. Because that is not my Olivia. Almost every day she picks a fight with me about something small and honestly-insignificant, and it infuriates me to no end. Partly, because I don't have the energy to argue with her (ever feel like that?) and secondly because she is sounding more and more like a spoiled brat. (I just cringed seeing that written out loud.) and less like the sweet, kind girl we have raised for the past almost 7 years.

We made a behavior contract with her when things started going wrong about a month ago, and she was really doing well- but now that things are slipping again, I have had to enforce the discipline part of that agreement: loosing bedtime stories and Littlest Pet Shops (her two favorite and special things) when infractions arise. And it kills me. I hate to get on to her. I hate to look in her big blue eyes and see tears brimming over because of what I said and had to do. And I think, 'Was I too mean? Was that too harsh?' And I start to beat myself up. And then I stop and realize: This is part of the job description. (I just think with her it was in very tiny print). It is my job to raise her be a good, honest and upright citizen of this world. Sometime, I feel like more than anything, she has been learning the hard but true "Rubberband Lesson" of when you push someone too far, they can come snapping back at you. Which hurts.

So please, send some prayers our way: Some for me and Jas that we have strength to do the hard, but right thing, and wisdom to know when to pick our battles. Pray for Miss O that she can stay true to herself, I fear its being widdled away by the outside world and growing up too fast.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Because I Am A 12 Year Old Boy...

My precious husband bought me the Wii Fit for a very early birthday present yesterday and to kill time, I grabbed the information booklet that came with it to read while I waited to pick up Miss O in the car line.
I'm reading it and come across this picture and its caption:

And I cannot stop giggling to myself. Because sometime I am a 12 year-old boy.
"Whoa,ho,ho Wii Trainer Guy! We just met. Exactly what movements will I be mirroring, sir????"
On a more girly note...sort of.
Here is our only son singing some of his favorite song. (And yes, Romo can't stand Luke being in the spotlight, so he jumps in right when things are getting good! Damn dog.)In case you can't tell, (and for anyone who doesn't have a girl between the ages of 5 and 12 - he might be speaking tongues to you) but its "The Best Of Both Worlds" the theme song to the Hannah Montana show. Precious. He loves her. Did I mention that he got a HM toothbrush for Christmas that sings this exact song?... He was in heaven.

I'm Calling The CIA

Or the ministry of defense.


Or that loud guy that sells KaBoom on TV.

Because my children have a gift that if I could tap into, I might become the world's richest Mommy.

My two youngest children have an amazing ability to feel when I am trying to sneak around and try to get anything done and become instantly awake as though they have had 3 Red Bulls a piece. Lysh and I once discussed how amazing it was that we would go in to check on our precious sleeping babies by turning the doorknob at an un-humanly slow speed so that no two internal mechanisms would hit or click on each other, then drop and roll onto the floor, ninja-style, and CRAWL about 1 inch per minute so as not to make any noise by ruffling the carpet fibers and barely peek over the bumpers and SURPRISE! There our sleeping babies would be all wide-eyed and smiley- SOOOOOOOO excited to see that we had come to pay them a visit! Like they were saying, "What took you so long??? I've been waiting for you since about 10 minutes ago when I heard your thoughts from across the house!"

I am feeling so very overwhelmed these day. I can't get anything done, every time I turn around there are 15 more things to clean up and 2 more tushies to change. I am using every available second I have to work on the training workshops I have scheduled to start in 4 weeks. Morgan has decided she doesn't want Jason or I out of her sight, so she has become stuck to me, and its not the easiest thing in the world to type with a 5 month old stuck to your chest, froggy-leg kicking the keyboard every five seconds. I decided last night that I was going to make myself go to bed at 10, so I could get up at really early and sneak downstairs to pick up a little, fold some laundry, and try to finish typing some of the presentation stuff we need before anyone woke up.

Sure enough: As soon as I get up this morning at 6 am and slide across the carpet to sneak to the landing, Morgan- who usually sleeps in til about 7:30- starts laughing from her crib! She was SOUND ASLEEP two second prior! So I decided to take her downstairs with me, and feed her, hoping she would just sit and let me check emails or something! I put her in the bouncy seat next to me and as soon as I sit down and log onto yahoo- I look over and LUKE is standing in the entrance to the kitchen. His, too, usually sleeps til 7 or so AND his door was practically shut- on the other side of the house- but his scary "Lukie-Sense" alerted him to the fact that I was up and about to try to accomplish something uninterrupted! UNBELIEVABLE! Jas came downstairs around 6:15 to leave for work, took one look at me, and Morgan and Luke now sitting on the couch and just laughed and shook his head, " Hows that getting up early workin' for ya?" Ugh.

Now that I know this ESP-esque gift my- and possibly all children- possess lasts up into the toddler years, I must act quickly to find a way to bottle it! Think of what the government could do with this power! Catch spies, terrorists, ensure things like Water Gate didn't happen. I have such a visual of all of these little babies sitting in bouncy seats and Bumbo chairs like a command central alerting the military to upcoming moves of our enemies. Oh, if I were that smart... or that lucky...

I guess until then, I may as well stay in bed and try NOT to accomplish anything, so I don't set off their little sensors and they might possibly let me squeeze in a few more extra minutes of sleep.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Not Me Mondays

I haven't done this in awhile and I figured with the New Year and everything, I may as well start off by getting some things I DIDN'T DO off my chest...

I did not wake up the other morning and realize that if someone came upstairs in our house they might think Jas or I have a serious cocaine problem because there are not little piles of formula all over my nightstand or the bathroom counter. Because I never miss scooping out that fine white powder at 4 am- I have perfect half-asleep aim.

I did not actually agree with Jas when the made the following statement: "You know, I wish they had gone into a little more detail about the goat testicles." We were not watching a History Channel special on the Seven Deadly Sins and sloth. Because our lives are not that boring.

I did not drive through Starbucks 2 times in one day because I had 3 (three!) gift cards from Christmas burning a hole in my pocket(book). I did not claim one of those trips was for Luke who had a sore throat and could honestly not get relief if he didn't have a kid's Hot Apple Cider STAT! And, well, since we were there and everything....

I did not get all snug-up with Jas while going to bed, a say "Ooo, your so snugly" to hear him reply "Yea, only I'm way over here." I might have been wearing sock and sweatpants, but I was most definitely not spooning the dog.

I did not repeatedly forget to buckle Luke into his car seat because I do not allow him to pitch a fit about the joys of climbing from the passenger side of the backseat to his car seat behind me. Come on, how could I forget by the time I walk around the car and get in that this VERY important thing needs to be done? Not when he pops his head up next to me at a red light and tells me I forgot. He's two. Please.

I did not feel like a complete idiot when my six year old asked me the simple question of how checks work and I honestly had NO clue. I have not been a bank-account-using member of society since I was 18, and have no idea how the whole thing works. Routing number? Huh?

I did not secretly get excited at every nap time and bedtime when Luke begged me to play MarioKart on the Wii when he woke up. I did not act like this was going to be a HUUUGE burden for Mommy, but if he stayed in his bed and went to sleep I GUUESSS I could muster up the time to sit and play. One game did not turn into 12.

Guess What?!?

And I thought my 15 minutes of fame would be my MTV Spring Break '98 '12 Angry Viewers' appearance! (Nothing says "riveting TV" like a bunch of girls sitting in a hot tub talking about hunky guys in videos! I die.)

Well! Not anymore! I am geeking-out excited honored to be an official member of We Are THAT Family's "THAT Family Tree Society". I guess we are a big enough mess so adorable that we made the cut. Please go check out her precious blog and her sweet family! And they are Texans to boot!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Ashton, You Can Come Out Now...

I have been looking around for the cameras.

I have been trying to figure out which one of my many celebrity friends put me up to it.

I am waiting for Dax to come around the corner and hand me a big bottle of Tide with a touch of Downy softness.


Because the only thing I can figure out is that I am being PUNK'D!

I spent most of yesterday trying to tidy up the house as much as one can with three small children a week after Christmas, and every time I went into another room I could not believe my eyes. I went into the kid's bathroom and saw this:

I swear on everything holy- this wasn't there the day before! This clothes explosion busted the lid right off the hamper! How is this possible. So I am frustrated- because I DO NOT keep house like this, so I head for the laundry room to get a laundry basket to contain this disaster and as I open the doors I am knocked over by these:TWO MORE full laundry baskets?!?!? And the big one on the left is ONLY for clean clothes that I promptly fold on top of the washer once they are in the basket- So I know I didn't do this! UGH! So I transfer the dirty clothes from there to the the square one, and open the washer to put those clothes in the dryer and find this:ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!? Where is all of this coming from- seeing as how every closet and drawer in our house is full of every one's clothes- I know because I have been picking up and putting away all day- I am freaking out. So I feverishly fold these clothes and take them upstairs, and as I am opening the linen closet to put some towels away I am bowled over by this:

And the photos doesn't even do it justice!! These clothes are piled so high that they are filling the first shelf in there, you can't even see it! I don't know what to do. Other than laugh. Because somewhere, someone has played a very mean trick on me. Someone must have taken everyone's clothes on the block and stratigically planted them in our house just to make me crazy.

So, okay. Where is the camera- where do I need to look to say it?

"I've been punk'd!"

Now, will someone please come help me fold all this? I would like to do something fun sometime this week, ...this month! Seriously. There can be drinking involved. It might be the only way I don't have a complete meltdown over the whole situation. help.