I did not take Luke to school on Wednesday with a new big bruise on his forehead. I did not try to explain to the greeter that he had been sleep-walking and ran into the door frame. She did not totally give me the "Yea, right"-face and was not in talking to the director as I was leaving. I did not putt around Hobby Lobby for a few hours just in case C.P.S. would be at my door when I got back home.
When Jas tried to put Luke's Gap tennis shoes on him without socks, and got mad that they weren't going on easily, I did not tell him that since wearing tennis shoes without socks is kinda white-trash that Gap has rigged their shoes so they have to be worn with socks. He did not totally believe me,("Really?!?") for about 10 seconds.
I did not douse my daughter in Bath and Body Works spray right before she left to go to a birthday party because I lost track of time and she had been playing in the backyard 10 minutes before she had to walk out the door and smelled like "outside". I would never send my child out into the world in less than perfect condition.
I did not lay in bed yesterday, sick as a dog, and instead of using my "Jas-Is-Home-Time" wisely and slept, I did not watch 7 episodes of TiVoed Days Of Our Lives. ( I did not get so excited at the prospect of Stephanie and Phillip actually staying together!)
And the night before, I did not wake up in the middle of the night and forcefully kick what I thought was Romo, the dog, from under the covers with all my might because he was totally laying on my feet and I couldn't move. I did not all of a sudden hear an "Ow!" and a thud. It was absolutely, positively NOT my 2-year-old who had snuck upstairs and curled up at the foot of our bed landing on the floor.
I was not being too silly right before bed time (who would rev their kids up before bedtime?), and decided to use the number of books we were reading for a little counting lesson. I did not get a little carried away and drop a hard-covered book on Luke's face. I did not bust his precious little lip right open. It did not bleed like all get-out and now makes him look like we really do beat him. (I did not get secretly mad because he curled up in a ball when it happened and bled all over this sheets that I had just washed and put on his bed! Any good mother would care about their child's injury and not the laundry it created!!)