Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Smack Down

Remember yesterday? When I was being all productive and excited for what the future could hold? When I was feeling like a Nike spokeswoman?

Well. Today I felt like I was a featured guest on this show:

And I am the blond guy in this picture: See that guy kicking my hopes and dreams out of me? Yea. It was pretty much just like that.

As of last evening the following things happened:
I was late to take the nursing school entrance test thanks to traffic on 635. This actually ended up not being such a bad thing because a) I'm not sure it was going to be the best place for me and b) I now KNOW that it is not the best place for me. I freaked out a little after last night. So I did some more research today and realized that to do what I really want to do, I have to go the RN route. No quick-y nursing trade school for me.

So now I am no longer looking at a 13 month time frame, but one more like 3 years. I went from looking at putting my kiddos in full day daycare at $480 A WEEK for one year, to now 3 (I'll give you a minute to do that math and choke on whatever it is your sipping on, like I did). I now have to wait to even APPLY til January of next year, only to wait to START in August of next year. I am looking at Monday through Friday, 8 am to 4pm, instead of Monday through Thursday, 9am to 3pm. I am looking at completing my degree when Morgan is older than Luke is now- which hurts my brain. I am looking at a dead-end dream because there is simply no way to make all of these new requirements work. There is not enough hours in the day or money in the bank. I have looked at it from every angle: A different school maybe?: I've called every school in a 50 mile radius and its the same story. Move back to our Shonka house to save money and be near friends and family? That puts us in limbo again, which is precisely what we are trying to get out of. Get a nanny in the morning to take the kids to school at 9? Yea right. Online courses? I am a hands-on learner. I have prayed. I have cried. I have put a request for any plan or idea out into the universe and hope that something will come back. I am feeling beat up. I am feeling like all this is my fault for not knowing what I wanted to do until I was 30, and life has just taken me to a place where that really just isn't feasible. It just doesn't make sense, seeing has how all of those things that have happened to me are the reasons I want to do this in the first place...

It just sucks because I was excited.

And now I've had an official WWE Smackdown.


mommy4life said...

Sorry you feel so beat down. Maybe there is another related dream to pursue?

Bekah said...

Don't give up. 30 isn't old, and (unless there's something I don't know) you don't need to be in a hurry.

My mom has 4 kids, and was at home with us until we were in middle and high school. Then she started back to work, very slowly, and eventually went back to school, again very slowly. Now, she has a bachelor's degree and has worked her way up to a job she loves, again slowly but surely. Now I am at home with 3 kids (about the ages of yours), and her story is such an encouragement to me because I know there is another phase of life for me yet to come.

I'm not trying to say you have to wait till your kids are older. Just that your dreams are worth pursuing, even if you have to do it differently than other people. And God will provide a way for you.

Anonymous said...

My advice would be to look at what the trade school offers and find the best fit to your dreams. Then go for it. All experience is good for your future, and once you are in it you never know what new avenues will show up, or even new dreams. But at least you would be working to get out of your status quo.

4Hoffman's said...

I'm sorry Anne! It's hard to do the balancing act between school/work/kids! I wish I could go back to school! If you need someone to talk too, my mom is a professor at TWU! They have TONS of programs that fit everybody now! And if you really want to be SICK, ask me what I spent in day care for 2008!!!

Heidi said...

UG! I hate when life just thows spit balls at you. Sucks! There, I said it for you.

Still Learning said...

If you want to get the RN degree, go for it! You won't regret it. There are women in their 50's that complete the journey and tell me it was worth it.