Not Me Mondays

I haven't done this in awhile and I figured with the New Year and everything, I may as well start off by getting some things I DIDN'T DO off my chest...

I did not wake up the other morning and realize that if someone came upstairs in our house they might think Jas or I have a serious cocaine problem because there are not little piles of formula all over my nightstand or the bathroom counter. Because I never miss scooping out that fine white powder at 4 am- I have perfect half-asleep aim.

I did not actually agree with Jas when the made the following statement: "You know, I wish they had gone into a little more detail about the goat testicles." We were not watching a History Channel special on the Seven Deadly Sins and sloth. Because our lives are not that boring.

I did not drive through Starbucks 2 times in one day because I had 3 (three!) gift cards from Christmas burning a hole in my pocket(book). I did not claim one of those trips was for Luke who had a sore throat and could honestly not get relief if he didn't have a kid's Hot Apple Cider STAT! And, well, since we were there and everything....

I did not get all snug-up with Jas while going to bed, a say "Ooo, your so snugly" to hear him reply "Yea, only I'm way over here." I might have been wearing sock and sweatpants, but I was most definitely not spooning the dog.

I did not repeatedly forget to buckle Luke into his car seat because I do not allow him to pitch a fit about the joys of climbing from the passenger side of the backseat to his car seat behind me. Come on, how could I forget by the time I walk around the car and get in that this VERY important thing needs to be done? Not when he pops his head up next to me at a red light and tells me I forgot. He's two. Please.

I did not feel like a complete idiot when my six year old asked me the simple question of how checks work and I honestly had NO clue. I have not been a bank-account-using member of society since I was 18, and have no idea how the whole thing works. Routing number? Huh?

I did not secretly get excited at every nap time and bedtime when Luke begged me to play MarioKart on the Wii when he woke up. I did not act like this was going to be a HUUUGE burden for Mommy, but if he stayed in his bed and went to sleep I GUUESSS I could muster up the time to sit and play. One game did not turn into 12.

Guess What?!?

And I thought my 15 minutes of fame would be my MTV Spring Break '98 '12 Angry Viewers' appearance! (Nothing says "riveting TV" like a bunch of girls sitting in a hot tub talking about hunky guys in videos! I die.)

Well! Not anymore! I am geeking-out excited honored to be an official member of We Are THAT Family's "THAT Family Tree Society". I guess we are a big enough mess so adorable that we made the cut. Please go check out her precious blog and her sweet family! And they are Texans to boot!

Ashton, You Can Come Out Now...

I have been looking around for the cameras.

I have been trying to figure out which one of my many celebrity friends put me up to it.

I am waiting for Dax to come around the corner and hand me a big bottle of Tide with a touch of Downy softness.

Why?

Because the only thing I can figure out is that I am being PUNK'D!

I spent most of yesterday trying to tidy up the house as much as one can with three small children a week after Christmas, and every time I went into another room I could not believe my eyes. I went into the kid's bathroom and saw this:

I swear on everything holy- this wasn't there the day before! This clothes explosion busted the lid right off the hamper! How is this possible. So I am frustrated- because I DO NOT keep house like this, so I head for the laundry room to get a laundry basket to contain this disaster and as I open the doors I am knocked over by these:TWO MORE full laundry baskets?!?!? And the big one on the left is ONLY for clean clothes that I promptly fold on top of the washer once they are in the basket- So I know I didn't do this! UGH! So I transfer the dirty clothes from there to the the square one, and open the washer to put those clothes in the dryer and find this:ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!? Where is all of this coming from- seeing as how every closet and drawer in our house is full of every one's clothes- I know because I have been picking up and putting away all day- I am freaking out. So I feverishly fold these clothes and take them upstairs, and as I am opening the linen closet to put some towels away I am bowled over by this:

And the photos doesn't even do it justice!! These clothes are piled so high that they are filling the first shelf in there, you can't even see it! I don't know what to do. Other than laugh. Because somewhere, someone has played a very mean trick on me. Someone must have taken everyone's clothes on the block and stratigically planted them in our house just to make me crazy.

So, okay. Where is the camera- where do I need to look to say it?

"I've been punk'd!"

Now, will someone please come help me fold all this? I would like to do something fun sometime this week, ...this month! Seriously. There can be drinking involved. It might be the only way I don't have a complete meltdown over the whole situation. help.

Easy Bake This!

Oh, Easy Bake Oven

Why did thee,

Promise My 6 Year Old

Hour of pure baking glee?

You take so damn long
To get toasty and hot,
One lightbulb for cooking?
A great idea- NOT!

Fifteen minutes later
In the bowl went the mix
We added drops of water-
Twas pretty easy to fix.

Filled your little shiny pan
Full of rich chocolate goo.
How the cake would taste,
Well, we hadn't a clue...

With the long yellow poker
Into the oven it goes,
ANOTHER 15 minutes!
I start to turn up my nose.

Off goes Miss O
With her little play mate.
These girls are too busy-
They don't want to wait.

Ding! goes the timer
Its finally finished! Amen!
Ha, ha!-Who'm I kidding?
They'll have to wait AGAIN!

By this time they have lost
All the excitment they had
I surely don't blame them,
This thing's made me mad!


Cakes cooled for 10 minutes
Come on now- Lets DECORATE!
What?!?!? TWO bowls to make icing!
Now I'm getting irate!

The fun poke-y tool
Did make cute little waves,
Their cake looked professional
Even "Martha" would rave!


I cut the sweet little cake-
They each got Ah piece
30 minutes for one bite??
Are you kidding, me? Sheesh!

Away ran my bakers,
I'm sure you know the rest.
It was me: Mommy Dearest
Who got to clean up THE MESS!

Happy Happy Birthday!

To My Dearest Friend, Alyshia- HAPPY BIG 3-0 29 with a remainder of 1! Because there are not words to describe what an amazing friend you are, I have stolen other peoples' and created a somewhat embarrassing endearing timeline of some of the highlights of our good times... Hope your day is FIERCE!

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,

"What! You too? I thought I was the only one!" -C.S. Lewis

Going out to a rave 1995 (I die.)

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.-Epicurus
Senior Pep Rally 1997

Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another. - Eustance Budgell

Prom 1997.

(Tell me again why we thought we needed girdle slips?? Seriously.)

Friendship is not a big thing; it is a million small things. -Anonymous

Halloween 1997: Spice Girls!

Never shall I forget the times I spent with you; continue to be my friend,

as you will always find me yours.-Ludwig van Beethoven

New Year's Eve 1997- Whats with the shirts???

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind.-Dr. Seuss

Summer 1998-
Please notice Lysh's vintage tubetop and high-wasited jeans: 10 years before their time! So fabulous!

You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.-Laurence J. Peter
Caleb's Birthday-October 1998 ( Look! There's Josh!)

Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person,

having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words. -George Eliot
Halloween 1999- Now we have children to subject to our Halloween Costume obsession!

In this world, where everything seems uncertain, only one thing I wish to be definite, you will always be my friend, beyond words, beyond time and beyond distance. -Anonymous

You're the best.

What A Day!

'Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

We got the festivities underway last night by braving the shops on a hunt for new rodents for our sweet dog, Romo. We think every dog in Frisco got something this year because the ENTIRE aisle of dog toys at Target was empty! (I overhead a women walking out of the aisle say, "The locusts picked it clean!") We had success at PetsMart: a duck and a pony with a long tail (not exactly rodents, but as long as he can whip them around he's a happy dog!) Funny: Jas was testing out the "whip-ability" of the duck, got a little carried away and straight up smacked some cute little high school girl with it! I'm sure she thought we were nuts.

We came home and kiddos decorated their Santa Cookies. Miss O forgot what holiday we were celebrating! (Just kidding: What can I say? The girls loves pink!) We set them out and made a little bag of carrots for the reindeer. We also sprinkled the Reindeer food outside. I use the term "sprinkled" lightly, seeing as how Luke dumped the entire bag in a huge pile right outside the door, so we had to scoop it off the ground to sprinkle it around the backyard! God forbid the reindeer not see our sparkly lawn and go to another house! And God forbid Romo not have to eat EVERYTHING that falls on the ground- thank goodness glitter is non-toxic! (I hope.)

Poor Mr. Bubs had a panic attack at bedtime. I don't know if it was too much excitement for one day, or if the thought of some guy coming in our house while we sleep was freaking him out. He was so hysterical that I actually let him sleep upstairs on our chaise- and even then he didn't fall asleep until almost 10pm! Jas and I finished wrapping a few last minute gifts, and then I did my annual covert Operation: Dispose of Santa Evidence. I am SO paranoid that Olivia will find the Santa wrapping paper I used, or the bolt of leftover ribbon- we even try to disguise our handwriting on the Santa gift cards- that I go to (ridiculously) extreme measures to get rid of everything that should not be in the house since it came from the North Pole. But its worth it, as long as I can keep her young and a believer, I'll do what I have to! We finally got to bed around midnight- the same time Miss O SWEARS she heard jingle bells....hhhmmmm....

The kids woke up around 7 and they opened their stocking while Jas made the coffee and I threw some cinnamon rolls in the oven. I figured all the gift unwrapping would be done in about 16 to 20 minutes, so the timing would be perfect! Its Jas' job in our house to pass out the presents, and of course, O got over zealous and gave Luke one right off the bat. It just so happened to be his Thomas the Tank Engine movie. The ONLY thing he has consistently said he wanted for Christmas. So he opened it and was d.o.n.e. He didn't want to open ONE MORE THING!!! We were practically throwing gifts at him and he was like, "Yea, yea, put on Thomas now, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!" Great. But Olivia on the other hand was rocking and rolling and genuinely LOVED everything she got which made us so happy. The Easy Bake Oven from Santa was the biggest hit -of guilt to my Mommy Heart! I feel terrible that she felt she needed a little fake oven that cooks with a light bulb to get to experience the joys of baking! ('DING!'- Hear that? Those are my premade Pillsbury cinnamon rolls all done in the oven. wink ) So! From about 7:20 to 11:30am every toy, art supply, game, dinosaur or dress up item was opened, kid-tested and approved. YEA!!!

Since we were all symptom-free for 48 hours, we decided we were safe to enter into the real world again. We had a great lunch at my grandmother's house and ALL the Boxes (+2) were there! So FABULOUS! Afterwards we headed over to Jon and Jen's and gave them and Mr. B their gifts. We came home, had dinner and now everyone (and almost me) are in the bed, wiped out! "Merry Christmas To All! And To All A Goodnight!"

Here are some of my favorite pictures from The Yarbrough 5 Christmas 2008:

(And please excuse our ghetto-fabulous jammies this year: I am sick of doing laundry and also couldn't get out to get cute Christmas ones this year....Next year, my friends, next year...)

The First Look At The Loot:

I love how Mo is sitting next to him, watching him open all his gifts!

Morgan Jane opening a gift....

Morgan Jane eating her gift....

Jas testing out the Hannah Montana Dress-Up Kit

Seriously, the Best Daddy. Ever.

Quarantined Christmas

We here at the Yarbrough 5 believe in giving and sharing.

Only problem is that we seemed to have missed the mark this year because the only thing we have been giving and sharing with each other is the DAMN stomach flu.

There is nothing more miserable.

Nothing more awful. Nothing that makes me want to buy stock in Clorox more because Lord knows I've used 2 bottles of Clorox Clean-Up, one whole bottle of Clorox Anywhere Hard Surface (which I LOVE!!)- I even wiped down the leather sofas with Clorox Cleaning Wipes (we''ll see if that ruins them... But I am desperate!!!)

I have bought everyone new toothbrushes, their own bottles of hand sanitizer. I have washed everyone's sheets in HOT-twice. I have assigned everyone their own towel to dry their hands on after using copious amounts of anti-bacterial soap. I have sprayed, wiped down, and cleaned every door handle, every faucet, every light fixture, every remote, EVERY SURFACE of this house. But still it spreads. I'm sure I'll be crying by the end of the day.

So Merry Christmas to us.

We will be here.

At home.

Together, yet alone.

Not giving and sharing with our family and friends.

You're welcome.

(WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!)