"Only Good Things"

That's what Gary used to say when you asked him "What's Up?" And that is seriously how we are feeling today. So many good things are going on, and I just know that he is up there smiling down at Jas, giving him the thumbs up. I want to jump up and down and freak out about what happened today, but I hate to say them out loud in fear of jix-ing anything!

But I am so excited, so I will just whisper them to you (and then do the "hex" sign and spit on the floor and turn around two times): Jas signed up with another school today. That director cold-called another school in front of him to see if they want him to teach there too. She then gave him the number of her best friend who also runs a school and told him to name-drop her. So that could be 5 schools. And if those schools reach 10 kids a piece that would mean he would quit his current job. And then only have to work 2 hours a day. We've come up with a great clinic-type event that is being welcomed with open arms at a local driving range. Getting ready to promote that next month. We are freaking out over with how well this has taken off. We believe that things have gone so well because he is doing what he was meant to do: be a great teacher- To do what he loves and do it well.

I am just so stinkin' proud of him! So, in honor of this joyous event, I thought I would share the golf photo that was a part of my psycho obsession with him our courtship. Isn't he so cute?!?

Big Boys

Bubs and Jas have been thick as theives lately, so it was no surprise this morning when I came upstairs and found them both in the bathroom, Bubs asking Jas what he was doing, and why (and why? and why?... Its is new favorite question.) It turns out Jas was about to shave and decided to let Luke join him. It was pretty much the cutest, sweetest thing I have seen in a long time, and I am so glad I caught it on film (Even though, yes, once again, let me inform you how much my camera is on its last leg and the pictures aren't good. This may change in 8 hours and 19 minutes though, if eBay has anything to do with it- I'll keep you posted!!!)

Please check out the adorable-ness:

And on a funny note: I went in to get Morgan after her nap yesterday and it was obvious from the moment I walked in that she had a dirty diaper. I said, "Whoa, Morgan! You pooped!" She cracked up and said, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, poopah!" I know, I know, you are rolling your eyes and saying, She DID not, wishful Mommy! She's 9 months! Oh, yea: Listen to this:

See? Hahahaha.... ;0)

Validation

Remember my psychiatrist? One of the smartest women I have ever met? She once pointed out something about me that she found interesting: I say, "...so I don't/ didn't/ wouldn't look like a crazy person..." ALOT. She (jokingly) asked me why that is one of by biggest fears. Why do I worry what people think about the choices I make and how does that effect the things I do and the way I behave? I think it boils down to the fact that I have very strong feelings about certain things - but at the same time, I look around at other people and see how they are living and doing fine and I wonder if I am crazy for feeling the way I do. Am I wrong? Dr. S pointed out that we can spend an enormous amount of our lives searching for one thing: validation of our beliefs and feelings.

And believe it or not, last night I got a big whopping spoonful of validation. From Dave Ramsey of all people.

Jas and I have ALWAYS, for almost 8 years now!, disagreed about money. We have never seen eye to eye on things- and we have tried everything under the sun to make things work out: elaborate budgets, separate bank accounts, my handling all the bills, him handling all the bills. It has made both of us nuts and it has caused more shouting matches than I care to disclose. It is one of the only real things we fight about. Honestly. (That and the fact that he doesn't think that "butt" is a bad word. But, I digress...)

So last night at out FPU class the whole lesson was about Nerds (me) and Free Spirits (Jas). Every thing Dave said about each of us and our planning and living styles was SO SPOT ON we kept turning and looking at each other with big saucer-eyes. VALIDATION. I am not crazy for thinking we should have a budget and expecting us to stick to it. I am not crazy for making spreadsheets, outlines and Power Point presentations on the topic in hopes of getting him on board. That's just me. We are who we are. We handle things differently. And that's okay.

He touched on how men and women approach shopping. I can't tell you how many times I have asked Jas to go shopping with me, only for it to end up being a complete beating. Over the years, it bothered me that we would always leave in such a huff if we tried to buy something together- what was wrong with us??? Uh, nothing. We are completely normal, typical men and women. We don't like to shop the same way and have no business doing it together. More validation. We are who we are. We handle things differently. And that's okay.

But most importantly, and again, the reason for us attending this workshop, is the issue of saving. I have felt so uneasy about things since I have stayed home. I have told myself stories about how much stress and anguish I was causing Jas. I have worn myself into the ground trying to control so many areas of our life because inside I felt like things were so NOT in control. I was making everyone nuts. And it all boiled down to our finances- and the fact that we never have had it together, even when I was working. My major issue was that when I go back to school and then re-enter the workforce, I want it to bless our family. I want that money to help where it really needs it: college funds, wedding funds (we'll have 2 to pay for!), our retirement. I will feel secure when we are financially secure. Dave explained the feelings I had so simply, and I know Jas got it. He fought me tooth and nail about taking this class, and I think at that moment he finally understood. Again, more validation.

I love that when we leave the classes we actually talk. About the class. We sit in the car in the garage for a few more minutes after we arrive home, discussing how what we learned ties into our lives together. We get of the car and hold hands as we walk into the house. This process is slowly, but surely really truly strengthening our marriage. It is making us a real team, not just the default kind that comes from being married. Its funny, we have known each other for almost 12 years now and this stranger comes into our lives: he gives us the knowledge and the strength to make better choices, he opens our eyes to a new way of living and amazingly enough, he explained each of us to the other. So let people think we live like "crazy people" when this is all said and done. He and I will know the truth. (wink)

Not Me Monday

I take comfort in the fact that the following has probobly happened to MckMamma... Scoot over and check out her Not Me Mondays and see what other things she and everyone else haven't done this week...

I did not turn 30 today.

Nope.

Not me.

Februray 16, 1979 was just an ordinary day. Nothing of importance... Carry on.

Lost And Found

So, guess what I did this past weekend? (Besides have some deliciosas margaritas...)

I re-found a friend.

Well that's silly, you say, where did I lose her?

I'm thinking it must have been somewhere on the road between HecticHomeLifeVille and MiscommunicationTown. I think the Lost and Found for girlfriends there must be full to the brim. But thank God you can go there, and look, and see if the friend you might have otherwise lost, is still there: You both might look a little different. You both might feel a little different. But your hearts haven't changed. You still know each other from the inside out.Remember my C.T.J. I had the other day? Well, just writing it really shook me up. Since then, (and since I've been well!) I have consciously woken up every morning and thanked God for a new day with my precious children and my loving husband, and made a commitment to truly be in the moment. To savor every Play-Doh snake I make and every chapter of Junie B. Jones I read aloud. I have hugged Jas a little longer than I normally would- because I have no where to rush off to. I have made no immediate plans, other than enjoying each day and playing it by ear for the most part.

And along with this commitment to my family, I made a commitment to myself. I want to feel like myself again. I got lost in the shuffle after Luke was born, a victim of E.E.F. (Everyone Else First) and I don't think that's healthy in the long run. Being my own person is what got me where I am today and I need to honor that. I need to take the time to put in the effort to focus on what I love and makes me truly happy. And one thing I love, love, love is my girlfriends. I have always had a pretty big circle of friends, its waxed and wained over the years, but my girlfriends are something that mean a lot to me. I am lucky enough to have two fabulous sisters, and each girlfriend I had was just like adding another. I always felt like those friendships were that close because it wasn't all smiles and rainbows; there was heartache, fear and loss. There were celebrations and disagreements. But more than anything there was laughter and love and confirmation that we are not all loosing it! And every friend I have found has had that "something": a quality I was lacking, skills I admired, a new perspective on things. Most of the time I am actually in awe that these women want to be my friend.

Especially my girlfriend Cat. She is so fabulous. Like, seriously, seriously fabulous. We met at work, and formed a friendship over microwaved lunches eaten at a rickety card table and hushed discussions with our co-workers over how we were planning to get the hell outta there. She and I then wised up, and would make a break for the coffee shop around the corner- where we could talk out loud about how we felt, and from work talk came boy talk and from boy talk came talk about marriage and babies and family and life... I will never forget one of the first times we had "escaped" and she says to me, "So, I went out the other night to this new place... Have you ever seen 'Eyes Wide Shut'?" WHOA, TONTO! I think I almost choked on my coffee, expecting her to start sharing a little tooo much that early in our friendship. That had totally come out the wrong way, and we started cracking up as my prudish tendencies came shining through, and I got the first taste of living through Cat's fabulous adventures (that had nothing to do with underground societies, by the way- just a fancy VIP elevator...)

She has always been the Neimans to my Old Navy- I just feel a little classier standing next to her. She has such a strong sense of self, and knows just the right way to speak up- which is a gift I do not have and admire so much. She is so calm and centered. She is kind and understanding. She is funny, and smart. She is beautiful inside and out. So needless to say, there has been a void in my life for the past year. I missed her so much, and it was fear of the unknown that kept me from reaching out to her. We had drifted apart and I told myself stories of why and how that weren't true, so I wouldn't have to put myself out there and face the fact that I might have hurt my friend... Do you know how stupid that is? I let one of my closest friends drift out of my life for fear of an uncomfortable encounter, because I was scared she was really mad at me and couldn't stand to face that idea. But- remember how I want "Me" back- well, She is a big part of Me. So I decided to go looking through that Friend Lost and Found- whatever the outcome would be- I needed to at least go look.

And I thank God that I did. Because I found her. When someone has been by your side through so much, has been a genuine friend through it all- you can't let them go. She has been in my thoughts every day- I never really lost her. I am lucky to have such friends: The kind who you can not see for so long, and then a few drinks and a few hours later, its like no time has passed. There's a little patch work to be done. A little dust to brush off. You make sense of what happened: There are some truths to be told and some sorries to be said. But then those moments are over and done. And then you make promise to create an emergency plan, so that you know what to do next time one of you gets "lost."

Look how sweet- Cat and Miss O, her flower girl...Love this pic...Love it.

P is for...

Push-over.
Prissy.
Perfectionist.
Practical.
Psycho.
I feel like I am all of these things and none at the same time.
No, that's not even true....

Maybe because its a new year, or maybe because I'm sick and just want to crawl back in bed, or because things have happened in the last week that were wake-up calls or I'm about to be 30(!), but I am completely worn out and feel like I am off track from what I thought I would be like at this point in my life. It's made me do a little soul-searching and its brought me back to a hard time I had a few years ago.

After Luke was born I developed pretty serious post-partum depression. The scary kind. But it was such a bizarre blessing because it brought me a very special doctor who turned a mirror on myself and changed my life in so many ways. She made me realize that again, I wasn't quite sure where I stood on so many things, and that trying to be so many different things to so many different people was simply wearing. me. out. I wasn't spending my time and energy on the things that truly did matter to me for fear of hurting someone, leaving someone out or letting someone down. I wasn't living my life for me. I had lost my principles along the way and it was haunting me. Trying to keep up with these non-truths finally got the best of me and I lost it. My body and mind said, "Enough," and shut down.

She shattered so many of the lies that I had been telling myself for years: That I had to be, act and look a certain way to be liked. That I should keep my opinions to myself because I might hurt someone even if it meant I would be hurting myself in the end. That I had to keep a perfect house and perfect kids, and never sit down to take a break because I stayed home. I had serious SAHG (Stay At Home Guilt.) I feel like being here for my kids when they are so little was what was best for them. But it put such a huge strain on our finances and Jason, that I felt awful about it pretty much everyday. He never said anything, but I convinced myself that he hated that I stayed home- so I would get upset and try to compensate by being Super Mom, which is an impossible feat. So I'd feel like a failure. And beat myself up and be miserable. So to Jason I was stying home like I wanted to, but was hating it. Which pissed him off. A lot. I believe the word "Brat" was thrown out more than once. So then I would get upset and start again, trying to be Super Mom.... It was such a vicious cycle and it was making me a wreck and ruining my marriage. So one day she just had me ask him what were his expectations for me staying at home. And you know what he said? "I just want you and our kids to be happy and healthy. Whatever you can do within your power to make that happen is all I ask." That's all. He didn't care that O had a hair bow to match every outfit. That the throw pillows on our bed were perfectly spaced apart. That every TV was was wiped free of any little finger prints. I had been so busy doing all the small stuff, that I had lost sight of the big things: Making time to play with my kids, spending some quiet evenings with my husband, taking an hour for myself to watch the first season of Greys on DVD....


She worked with me for over a year to work out each piece of my life's puzzle. We turned pieces around, we tried them in different spots, she pointed out at times that I was trying to force pieces to go where they just didn't fit and those had to tossed back in the pile. We'd try those again later in the process, once more of the puzzle was complete and we could look at it more clearly. It was hard, it was eye-opening and it was lots and lots of tears. But it was also one of the best times of my life. I looked forward to every Wednesday at 10 am, to see what I would uncover in the next 55 minutes. There is nothing more liberating than being able to say what you really feel. No holds barred. She never laughed, she never judged- she just held my hand and handed me tissues. And she changed my life.

I learned to speak up. And to be a better listener. I learned to not sweat the small stuff (although I think almost everything is a big thing, so I'm still working on that one...). I learned to respect my husband and his feelings: that they are just as real to him as mine are to me. I learned that I didn't really owe anyone anything: It was up to me to make the choices of what I felt I should do. I learned to say "no" and "that's enough." I learned to stand tall and defend the choices I make. That if I need help, I should ask for it. That I need to be a better example to my daughter, to ensure that she understands inner beauty is more important than outer appearances. I learned that if I keep my hands full of unimportant things that there isn't any way to open them to reach for better things. I said good-bye to some people and hello to others. I learned that just being there is almost more important than saying the right thing. I came to peace with the idea that I am in the place where I should be. I shouldn't have to feel like it needs to be justified or defended. I am here, doing what I am doing for a reason: because of the choices I made. I am responsible for me, I put myself here.

And I am having the hardest time accepting that lately. I am having some serious "Grass Is Always Greener" and "What if..." moments, and that keeps me from appreciating what I have. I know I am always looking ahead for the next big event, big "thing," and that has made me miss out on enjoying the place I am in now. I know I do it and its hard to stop. I know I need to sit and take some time to recall the conversations I had with her. To take my own refresher course: Anne's Life 101. After such a long, hard year last year, I know I am trying to already force this year to be the Best EVER. We are 3 weeks in and I am already pooped.

But, phew. Having just read that sentence I can stop myself. I can appreciate that this is a new day and just let it unfold. I can't force anything. I am making a late New Years Resolution to just be in the moment. To breath it in, and hold that breath so I will remember the little details. I want to enjoy where I am and what that means. I put myself here. Now I just really need to sit back and enjoy this time and space.

My Big Girls...

Sorry I have been MIA this week- I've been watching my two girls get TOO BIG for words...Lets start with O:

This sweet little smile:

Has become this:

She can officially sing the "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" song! It makes her look WAY too old (tear...)
And then Miss Morgan Jane is now big enough for...BABY FOOD! We gave her a little oatmeal a'la applesauce and she liked it okay. What she really liked was the spoon.
'Swiped it every chance she got. Luke thought it was so funny that she was eating real food. He sat by me the whole time mesmerized, and now thinks that any applesauce in the house is off limits, "NO! That's Moe-gin Jane's applesauce!"
AND THEN! Guess what Miss Big 'N Hot did today!...
YUP! Rolled over! Look how proud she is of herself! She's so funny. So of course, I had to flip her back over and have her do it again (-mostly to prove to myself that I hadn't put her on her belly to start and just forgot...Sorry, I'm so busy some times I don't know if I'm comin' or goin'!)

Yup- she can really do. Now starts the fun task of having to go flip her back over every time she's decided that she has had enough "Tummy Time"...Joy.

It can be tiring being such a Big Girl...

HOLY CRAP!

...or should I say, "Pee!"

HE DID IT!!!!

(Due to the PG rating of this blog, I instructed him to "hide your peepee". Nice job, Bubs.)

Finally, after 2 frickin'frackin' weeks of sitting, pleading, reading, singing, talking, waiting, yelling, reading, waiting, coaxing, crying, bribeing, and, oh yes!, more singing- He peepeed in the potty this morning! Because I know you all want the glorious details:

I went to change his diaper while getting him dressed for the day and noticed he was dry. He had had breakfast a while before which included his junkie-ration of at least 2 full cups of BunnyWhop- so I knew, KNEW! there was pee in there somewhere. So I told him to run go sit on the potty (which is why he's naked- I never finished dressing him.) Well, he read a while. Nothing. We sang a while. Nothing. So I told him to stay here while I went to refill my cup of coffee. No sooner had I stepped into the kitchen then he yell, "I peed! The potty sang song to me!!!" (The little potty makes this majestic-trumpeting sound: "DautDautDahDaaaaaaaaaa" when water hits the sensors in the bottom- which, as I'm writing this, has me crying laughing at how silly that is! But anyway...) So I run in there and SURE ENOUGH! The little blue bowl thing is full of pee. "Look, Mommy- Its geen!" he say, so proud that his pee apears to be a different color than all of ours! I clapped, I cried, we high-fived.

It was MARVELOUS! It was FANTASTIC! He hasn't done it since.

Fab Five Friday

1. I finally finished my website!!!! Now I can start sending out samples and have somewhere for people to go shop around and place orders!!! I hope to get this little ball rolling again- had to start with just the things I've already done, but hope by the first of the year I can add more categories! YEA! (If you need cute Teacher's gifts for Christmas...)

2.Morgan found her feet! Is there anything cuter than a baby all rolly-polly on thier back while holding thier feet??? I think not.
3.We found a great photographer, Brandi Fornoff, and had a wonderful time at the Arboretum having the kids' pictures made! As soon as we get the proofs, I'll post some. 4. Romo, our puppy, has proven himself to be the most patient dog on the planet. I have always ben fearful of dog and kids, but poor Mo lets Luke do ANYTHING to him and just sits there. They are true buddies. "I wub you, Moey Dog".

Who has let Luke bury him under throw pillows and his Bunny???

It's Mo!!!!!

(If you look close in the background picture of Morgan, you'll notice sweet Mo just walking around wearing Luke's Bunny !)

5. We have made (minor) Potty Progress this week. I found that if I give him an endless supply of books, he will sit on the potty forever. He won't go...but at least he'll sit there...

Two Naughty

"Two-year-olds like to be independent! Favorite words are "Mine" and "No" and "I do it!" Emotions take on a roller coaster-like quality as 2-year-olds can go from excitement to anger to laughter within a few moments. A great deal of time is spent exploring, pushing, pulling, filling, dumping, and touching". -Lesia Oesterreich, M.S. Family Life Extension Specialist Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University

Ahhhh, two year olds. For those of you who don't know: Olivia was a freak of nature. She was never "Two". She was always so sweet, a joy to be around, behaved, listened, understood and followed(!) rules. If I told her to stand right where she was in the store, she would stand so nice and quietly that I had been known to start to walk away and forget for a second she was there! If I told her not to eat crayons, put stickers on anything but paper, put her toys away- she did it and never questioned why, never tried to test me, just went with the flow. It was lovely. I did not have a true toddler experience. And then Luke came.


WHAT?!?! Two year olds don't listen?? Two year olds get into things like tampons, toothpaste and toilet paper?? They can hide under, climb up and jump off anything in the blink of an eye?? They yell things like, "Nooooooooooo, Meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" while falling to the floor because you, not them, screwed on the lid to their sippy cup?? I have been freaking out about these things for the last few month and asking , "why???", only to have my mother repeat, "I don't know, because he's 2 perhaps!?"

So was it any surprise yesterday when Lysh came over with Hannah for a lovely morning of coffee-drinking-baby-holding-laundry- folding-company, that the two little Twos disappeared into Luke's room to "play" and weren't heard from for quite sometime, that, of course, they were up to SOMETHING???...(Note to any new Mommies out there: Silence Is NOT Golden!!) We had been enjoying this lovely peace and quiet while we chatted, and then all of a sudden we hear Luke burst out laughing, in that body-shaking, face-scrunched, makes you laugh too kind of way. And then its quiet. And then we hear Hannah burst out laughing in the same way. Quiet again. We looked at each other with that, "Oh, shit!!!" look and started to run back to his room, only to both stop in the entry way and say, "Get your camera!" because we knew we were about to bust in on a Two Moment. This is what we saw:

NOT ONLY, had they taken EVERY book off of Luke's shelves, they had gotten out all of his cars, trains, Little People, blocks, musical instruments- and when that hadn't satisfied their Two Year Old quest for fun...they found the Play-Doh! I had gotten it out earlier and had them all set up at the kitchen table, but when they had lost interest in it, I had shoo-ed them back to Luke's room, putting the bucket back in the toy room without even thinking- it is usually put up in my craft closet, so things like this DON'T HAPPEN! Well- want to know what they had been doing, that they thought was HIL-AR-I-OUS??? Each had their own little yellow Playdoh container and were taking turns using plastic knifes and forks flicking chunks of Plahdoh out into the air (read: all over the carpet!) Why is this so frickin' funny, you ask??? Because they are Two! Do you not love the "Oh, shit!" looks on their faces?? Love it. And them.

(And per Hasbro.com's FAQ regarding getting Playdoh out of the carpet, I let it dry completely, used a stiff brush to lossen and vacuumed. Viola! At least I know our children are not the first to go a little nutty with the 'doh.)

Not Me Monday

Potty Time!

I would not decide to pick a random day out of the air and decide it was time to start potty-training Luke- full force. I did not pick yesterday.

I did not have a sad Come To Jesus moment with myself when I realized I really had no part in potty-training Olivia, and really had no idea what I was doing- Come on, Mommies just know these things! I did not doubt my patience with the whole process and consider going back to work full time just long enough to have someone else do it for me.

I did not make Jason take us both to Target where I did not proceed to let let Luke pick out every package of undies with characters on them that he knew, hoping they would be modivation. Because it couldn't be that many, could it? Oh...just Mickey Mouse and Goofy and Donald and Handy Manny and Elmo and Big Bird and Ernie and Lightening McQueen and Mator and Thomas the Train and Duncan and Percy and James... He doesn't know every character ever created by Disney, PBS, Noggin, Nick Jr. or Sprouts because he doesn't watch that much TV...

I did not have a BIG 2-Year-Old dicussion with Luke about why we do not pee pee on Mickey Mouse because he would never pee pee on us. That's just plain silly.

I did not sing 18 rounds of "Bringin' Home A Baby Bumble Bee", "10 Little Indians" and various other kid songs just to keep him on the potty, only to finally let him get up and have him go 2 minutes later. (From his room: "Oh, no! I tee-teed on Thomas!") Damn. I did not continue to be about 5 mintues behind the pee all day.

I did not feel totally discourage and I did not sit at the computer and read every article I could pull up about potty-training during the two hours of naptime, only to be more confused than ever about what I SHOULD be doing. I did not almost cry.

I did not do a little ghett0-rigging, and let him wear his undies under a diaper after we had been through 20 pairs by 3pm. That would be giving up a little too soon, and I am NOT a quitter.

I did not feel totally suckered when he came running to me in the late afternoon and asked to sit on the potty. I did not run with him excitedly to the bathroom like a fool. I didn't think "Yea!! This is it- He's getting it!!!" only to then have him ask me to sing the "Super Duper Pooper" song to him and once I was finished, he did not hop off the potty as if it was the place where he only sits so I will sing silly songs to him. I have not accidently turned the bathroom into our own little version of Kindermusik.

I did not think that maybe I am a total Potty Training failure, when at the end of the day the score was: PeePee in the Potty- 0, PeePee In the Undies- 8.

I did not let him wear a diaper today while I regrouped and came up with Plan B. I am not thinking this might have been a bad idea. I do not keep repeating to myself like Rain Man, "Everyone goes to college potty-trained, everyone goes to college potty-trained"....

Not Me Monday: The Anniversary Edition

In honor of our 7 Year Anniversary today, I am dedicating my Not Me Mondays to my precious husband for putting up me and my shinanigans...even before he knew me!

My OBSESSION with Jason did not start at the Back to School Bash in 1996. I did not see him all Ceasar Haircut- Baggy Jean- Ridiculously Large Polol shirt-y and think, "Love Him! He will be mine, oh yes, he will be MINE!"

I did not enlist the help of my two best high school friends to break into an Athletic's Display case in the entry way of the school with a bend coathanger loaded with masking tape when we were supposed to be practicing a kick routine out in the hall! We did not accidentaly completely rip down everyone else's photo in the process! Vandal, I am not!!!

I did not OBSESS over what direction I would walk from class every other day, seeing as how I MIGHT see him (read: stalk him) in the hallway on "B"days as we walked out of the school wing on those days. I would never intensionally have my friends laugh at me so as to appear hil-ar-i-ous and irresistable!

I did not completely loose my cool whenever he would show up at the Taco Bell parking lot on a Friday night, or drive a route around Carrollton to drive past his house and the homes of his firends with the chance his car might be out there! I did not make extra trips out to my car on certain days when I was supposed to be getting ready for Drill Team because I saw him leave out the gym area doors one day and thought I might casully run into him again one day! And, no, I didn't earn numeroud tardy demerits for this! I did not enlist the help of every Senior Troyann I knew to casually fit me into any conversation they happened to have with him and mention how fabulous I was. Who is that looney? Who has that much free time?? ..Who has that much gas money???

I did not change clothes 50 times and then go buy something to wear to Stacie's 18th birthday because I knew he would be there and that was going to be the night a little "Liquid Courage" could finally get me to talk to him. And, no, her birthday is not in December, so, no, I hadn't been working up this courage for 5 months!!! (Please note: I did have someone introduce us and later learned he didn't remember it. Nice.)

I didn't have a bunch of Jason's friends stop by my house one day only to find the golf team picture FRAMED in my room! Seriously- who would be so careless?!? (Or so psycho??) That wasn't the day that the cat was out of the bag, or the night I was told to call him and did.

I did not feel bitter that I paid a fortune for my prom dress and hair-do, only to ride there in the nasty old "Norton Van", not dance one dance and spend the night fishing Jason's head out of the toilet, sleeping on the cold bathroom tile. No! Who would care? Seriously? Only supposed to be the best night of High School, right? RIGHT!?!

I did not cry for about 2 weeks after the moved out to Arizona after graduation, nor did I rack up a $400 long distance phone bill while doing more crying! And, no, $395 of that bill were not caused by us saying, "Okay, you hang up first....No, you hang up.... I love you.... I love you more...No, I love you the most"! Come on! Who would be so ridiculous???

After a few years of back and worth, break-ups and make-ups, we found each other again... and here we are: 12 years of friendship, 7 years of marriage, 8 homes, 3 kids and 1 dog later. And I still adore him. He makes me laugh everyday. He does a million things that make me nuts, but they are all endearing. We've had our moments, almost called it quits, but we always come back to the fact: We make each other whole. He is The One for me. We are yin and yang, Type A and Type B, athletic and artistic, serious and silly. I think our partnership makes us great friends and great parents. We show each other different ways to do and think about things everyday, and everyday he does something that makes me stop and say, "I really am a lucky girl." We've been through alot this year, but it seems like every time we stop, hold hands and cross that obstacle together we always make it to the other side, closer together. XOXO. Love you, Jas.

Sunshine and Rainclouds

I have been feeling like Super Mean Mommy lately. No time to snuggle- too many boxes to unpack. No time to joke around- too tired from unpacking said boxes. No time to just let things slide- trying like a Nazi to get my well-behaved children back. I've been snippy, impatient and well, not the Mommy I am... I wake up every morning and say to myself: "I will not yell at anyone today." And then sure enough- Olivia is in the bathroom singing to herself in the mirror for 10 minutes and is now running late to school. Or right as I start my morning chores, Luke comes in for the 15th time to ask me to turn back on his radio because HE can't resist touching the buttons! And I loose it. And I hate it. It is very hard trying to figure out how this whole 3 kids of such different ages thing goes. I can't seem to get the rhythm right- can't seem to figure out who should be doing what, when and where. It makes me nuts because I am SUCH a type A person and have to have order or I can't think straight. Such a perfectionist that I put too high of expectations on my little kids. A wise women (and you know who you are) once told me: "Just mess up. Forget something for once in your life. Make a mess or a mistake and let your kids see you do it."

So the other night Olivia was in the pantry poking around (which I'm sure I got on to her for)when she noticed a cookie mix that I had bought. I had just finished re-doing Luke's lamp for his room (New Unnecessary Project #421)- I had out the paint, glue gun, fabric- the whole she-bang. The kitchen was a mess!, and she says "Can we make these cookies?" Now- normally I would have given her the whole song-and-dance about how I don't have time, and I've got this huge mess to clean up, blah, blah, blah. But instead I left the mess. And we made the cookies. I commented on how well she broke the eggs, she complimented me on how strong I was mixing in the butter. We divided the dough and each had a cookie sheet to put ours on- being silly and trying to sneak our dough on each other's trays. We had a serious discussion about how we must never tell Mimi that we ate the raw cookie dough off the spoons when we were done. I put the cookies in the oven and she went off to her room to play until dinner.

Each night at dinner we go around the table and do our "Sunshines and Rainclouds", or the one best thing that happened that day and the one worst thing that happened that day and discuss, "Coffee Talk"-style. We all went around and when it got to O she said her raincloud was she didn't get to go hang out in the gym before school because she got there too late (thanks to the concert she performed to herself instead of brushing her teeth) and very simply her sunshine was "Getting to make cookies with Mom." It was the "getting to" part that got to me. I have been so busy doing things that REALLY don't matter that I haven't been spending time with my kids and they feel it. It made me realize that sometimes you need to leave the mess, not sweat the small (unnecessary) stuff and really realize how important "Mommy-time" truely is.

I think project #442 will have to be put on hold for now. I have cookies to bake.

The End Of An Era...

How I wish....

Oh, my poor mommy-heart is breaking. While I know all of my kids are getting older and they have to grow up sometime, it totally makes me sad when they do. Over the past few days I have noticed that Luke is no longer saying the baby/ "Bubbies-made-up" words he used to. For instance: We all know that he has always called Mickey Mouse "Hot Dog", and the other day he walked by the TV in the guest room that he had been watching a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVD on and he pointed and said, "Oh, Mickey's on!" Whaaaaaaaaaaaa...I want Hot Dog back! And he has quit calling milk "Whop", so in turn there is no longer "Bunny Whop" (affectionately and geniusly named after the Nestle Quick bunny on the bottle...) Now he justs acts like a crack-head junkie first thing in the morning for damn "chocolate milk"! Whhhhaaaaaaaaaa- Bunny Whop was my favorite!!!! I hate this! He is talking so much, and like such a big kid that I am missing my little Bubbins. Excpet when he says precious things like, "Well, good morning Daddy!" which he did the other day and we couldn't stop laughing! Such a great way to be greeted in the morning! Luke goes to the dentist for the first time tomorrow- I'm trying to make sure an Olivia-mouth-full-of-cavities-type event doesn't happen again. She went again today for her last set of fillings. Guess who feels like turning themselves in to C.P.S.? I have never felt like a worse mother.

On a VERY VERY VERY happy note: I am coming in town with Morgan!!! My sweet Nanna offered to fly me in after hearing how homesick I am and I will be arriving on the 4th of September! I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lots of "Firsts"

Went to the doctors today- nothing new to report. I have been having TERRIBLE Braxton-Hicks, but they have done nothing for me... Oh, well. Dr. Zhang has asked that I kindly keep Morgan in until the 24th, just to be sure she's nice and cooked. (Damn.) After the sad, sad news of two more weeks to go, we gals decided that pedicures were in order. IT WAS SO NICE! We dropped off Bubs with Jas and we all had 45 minutes of nice peace and quiet. Olivia was the star of the salon and the women gave her the prettiest fingers and toes- O LOVED IT!!!

We realized that that was her first official trip to the "Beauty Salon" and then we started thinking about all of the great "Firsts" she's done this summer...Namely:

Getting her first pair of REAL DEAL girly golf clubs!!! Sweet "Uncle" Randy just so happens to work at the Sports Authority out here, and all Jas had to do was call him, and he found Miss O the greatest set of PURPLE golf clubs you have ever seen. She and Jas went out and hit balls all afternoon, and she acutally hit her driver 75 yards!!! We are going to start her intense training ASAP and will be homeschooling her so she can devote all her spare time to the game! Maybe she can make a million or two and take care of us all! HA! (We just about peed out pants when we looked at the box- there is a little Asian girl on there with her father hovering over her as she hits her driver!! Jas has always talked about how looney-tunes some of the Asian parents are before, during and after lessons he used to give!) Olivia's friend Ashton is back from Arkansas, so she is coming over tomorrow to spend the night! We both could not be happier- poor O is sooooooooooooooo lonely! I hope she can make some sweet friends when school starts! Now, if we could just find somewhere for the Bubs to go... we all need a break from his madness...("WannawatchBob!Uh-huh!NoBob!WannawatchBarney!Uh-huh!Bunnywhop!WantBunnywhop!NOjuice!NO!Bunnywhop!!!"...Lord, if he wasn't so cute...

The Agony and The Extacy

So! Olivia woke up yesterday morning and asked me if she could get her ears pierced- totally out of the blue! I told her it was fine with me, but she had to ask Jason too. I hear her in our room saying, "Daddy, I need to talk to you about something serious." HA! Well, he came out laughing, and said it was fine with him too. So, we ran errands all morning and then we had Claire's as our last stop. She was skipping and so excited.. until they had her sit in the chair. She got so still and quiet, I got nervous, and poor Granna had to walk away. The lady that did the piercing needed to brush up on her warm-fussiness, but she did an excellent job. I was SO SURE that after the first one was in that O would change her mind- but she didn't even flinch! BUT when the lady was done with both ears Olivia just sat here- frozen. I asked her if she was okay and she just made this face:

And then I asked if she was happy she had gotten them pierced she made this face:

So I was totally confused! We went and got frappicinos right away, which makes everything better- she finally admitted that her ears were really hurting, but by the time we got home she had perked up and literally wanted to clean her ears every 5 minutes! The weird Jas/ Olivia connection: When we got home I saw that he had texted me asking if she had really got them done at the EXACT time she was having them pierced! CRAZY! When he got home and saw her, he turned to me and said, " I wouldn't have said yes if I thought she'd really go through with it." HA! I think she looks cute (but big!)